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How to Cope with Excessive Anxiety and Worry

Hello, I am Tatsuya Arakawa, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (#82425) in California.
In my previous blog post, I discussed the mechanisms of anxiety and worry and why they occur. In this article, I would like to delve a bit deeper into these feelings, explaining the concepts you should understand and how to cope with them.

Anxiety is Not Something to be Removed

There are many instances where a mistaken understanding of the mind has become common knowledge. One such idea is that "because you shouldn't be anxious or worried, you must remove those feelings." Unfortunately, this is incorrect. As I mentioned in my previous post, the ability to feel anxiety and worry is a trait humans acquired in ancient times, and it is thanks to this that we have survived until today. If we lacked the capacity for anxiety, we might do dangerous things without hesitation, such as walking through a red light. In other words, it is perfectly natural to feel nervous, anxious, or worried before an important presentation or a major exam. Unless you understand this concept, any "correct" coping mechanism found in the world will likely feel unsatisfying.

So, what is the correct approach? It is to understand that "anxiety is not something to be removed, but something to live with." Of course, rebuilding your current understanding into a new one requires a certain amount of time and effort, so I hope you can accept this idea slowly and steadily.

What are Thoughts?

Thoughts are like waves—they come and go. Humans are thinking about something almost the entire time they are awake. What we think about is far less under our control than we might imagine. On the contrary, the more we try to think about things we don't want to think about, the larger those waves become, and the more we end up thinking about them. Emotions like anxiety and worry are birthed from these very thoughts.

Incorrect Coping Methods

Before we discuss how to cope, let’s look at some common mistakes. One is "telling yourself 'everything will be okay'." As mentioned, anxiety and thoughts are like waves that repeat their ebb and flow. By riding these waves too intensely, the "What if..." thoughts become unstoppable. Telling yourself "it's okay" is essentially the same as catching that wave of anxiety. This is because you are trying too hard to control something that cannot be controlled, which leads to thinking even more about the things that make you anxious. This only worsens the anxiety.

Another common mistake is "positive thinking." While the future may turn out as you hope, there is always a possibility that it won't. In other words, as long as that possibility remains, it is natural to think negatively. Trying to force positive thoughts only makes you focus more on the source of your worry, so this method is also unhelpful.

Coping Strategies

If it is natural to be anxious, what is the ideal state to be in? As stated before, the goal is to live alongside the anxiety so that it does not interfere with your daily life. Without accepting this concept, you won't feel the true effect of any coping mechanism.

Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is the most effective way to reset a "malfunctioning" brain and alleviate anxiety. When you are controlled by anxiety, your brain perceives your current situation as "dangerous," even if it isn't. It prepares your body to deal with that perceived threat, one sign of which is rapid breathing. By practicing deep breathing, you signal to your brain from your body that "this is not a dangerous situation." This calms the brain and leads to the alleviation of anxiety.

When practicing deep breathing, pay attention to the following:

• Correct your posture.

• Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth.

• Make the exhalation through your mouth longer than the inhalation through your nose.

• Do not raise your shoulders when inhaling; instead, let your abdomen expand.

If you still feel restless, you may not be breathing correctly, so please check these points again.

Grounding

Another method for when you feel restless due to anxiety is grounding. Try the following steps in order:

• Name 5 things you can see.

• Name 4 things you can touch.

• Name 3 things you can hear.

• Name 2 things you can smell.

• Name 1 thing you can taste.

By using your five senses to describe your current moment in words, you can let the wave of anxious thoughts pass by. Of course, it is natural for anxiety to return afterward. However, by shifting your focus to things other than your worries, you can expect the disruption caused by that restless anxiety to gradually subside.

I hope this serves as a helpful reference.

Tatsuya Arakawa Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (#82425)